In Pursuit of Happiness

Just recently, I was, for whatever reason, watching a bro-boy on YouTube named Brad. He was pretty standard for a broboy. In his early thirties, severe haircut, mightily muscled, a kind of military feel. Not the kind of guy I hang out with. In his video, he was sitting in the front seat of a jeep, warning women that if they didn’t smarten up, they’d live alone with only a few cats and a garden or a library to keep them company. There are so many assumptions there that the video was just funny. And the response was hilarious, with many comments declaring that this ‘horrible future’ would be a life they would love! I don’t see much wrong with it myself.

Of course, I wouldn’t give Brad a precious moment of my time. I tend toward men who see women as people. I also don’t think happiness has much to do with whether you find The One and marry him or her. I believe happiness comes from something else. Maybe it’s having the luxury of time and energy to pursue said happiness? 

Your Happy Family

Now, I love my family. However, studies show that women without children or a family, who live with only a few cats and a lot of books, are extremely happy. Men, on the other hand, are happiest when they are married. Their pursuit of happiness includes a wife.

Then, I started thinking about how patriarchal society insists on marriage as the state that women benefit from the most, something they dream about. Wouldn’t that mean a married woman would be the happiest, too? But they aren’t. So, why not?

Is pursuing marriage really pursuing happiness?

Study after study, like this one, confirms that women still do the bulk of the household chores while working full time. That doesn’t seem fair. It seems like a recipe for many unhappy people.

I would expect that women are probably unhappy in households where they hold up the roof while the man relaxes underneath it. The labour, all the labour, tedious labour, hours and hours of it. One of the reasons women initiate divorce is dissatisfaction over unequal household workloads and childcare. This is not how I find happiness, for sure.

So, where do these assumptions and unfair expectations in terms of women’s time and effort come from? Well, we know that. It’s the patriarchal system rearing its ugly head.

Because my guess is a household in which every person is considered a person (as opposed to a helpmate) and home tasks are shared, where everyone in the house does chores as suits their abilities and age, with a mind to fairness for all, that home is happy. I would guess that women in that situation would be thrilled.

But I don’t think happiness is actually gender specific.

I happen to know quite a few married men who are the breadwinners and also take care of most of the housework. Men like this exist. And I am guessing they’re not too happy even though they’re married. I am also guessing that they are hit by a patriarchal double-whammy. They can’t even complain about their burnout without risking losing respect.

So, I wonder if there’s a study that looks directly at the load each family member is carrying toward the betterment of the common good of all in the family. And I wonder if they would find, as I would guess, that the fairer the load share, the happier the folks regardless of gender. Because when folks have time, they really do pursue happiness. They chase their dreams or they invest in their current dream life.

Fair is Fair

I, of course, do not enjoy a fair situation but it’s not anyone’s fault really. John got sick and I decided he still deserved to stay with his family. But I can tell you that since Morgan is a little older and helping more, their contribution has affected my mood.

Like today. Morgan made roast beef dinner, and it was really good. Then they brought me ice cream. I do have two cute and quirky kitties. I have a huge bathtub. Spring is almost here. I’m happy. Sorry, Brad.

[My Perfectly Marvelous Post Menopausal Life]