Most of us have had moments that bring us pure joy. Falling in love with the right person is like that. Marriage is like that. So is becoming a parent of a child or a fur baby. You are full of joy. But sometimes, the change is not favourable. We’ve all been through that as well. People pass away. People leave us. Tragedy strikes. As much as the good things are joyful, these bad things are painful.
Three ideas about emotion.
I was listening to a podcast the other day. Mo Gawdat, a former bigwig at google, was talking about how all the success he achieved had not made him happy. He has a few books out. One, The Happiness Equation is one I think I will read. One of the central messages in this book is that we choose to be happy. If you listen to Gawdat, he is pretty vehement about this, actually. He has a goal to make millions of people happy.
And I was also thinking about a wee meme that has been circulating around regarding the Irish language. In the Irish, when you are sad, you say: “Ta bron orm”. Which, translated, means the sadness is on me, or the sadness is upon me. I know this now, see, because I have been learning the Irish on Duolingo for a while now.
These ideas are almost opposites. For Gawdat, there is an assertion that you can control your happiness. In the Gaelic, there is the idea that the emotion is bigger than your ability to stop it. Emotion is something that must be experienced.
And I have been thinking about the “it’s all good” crowd. I kinda live in that space sometimes, so I am (a bit) talking about myself here. In truth, it’s not all good. Anyone who has suffered a massive setback of any kind will tell you that. We will say that, in the end, you emerge from your tough times much changed. Sometimes for the better. Sometimes not. Some people never emerge. They stay locked in their pain.
Self-help books ignore this point because their market is the subset of people ready to and trying to better their lives. Indeed, in that subset, people are prepared for a journey out of their pain or heartache. But what if you don’t even know you’re broken? Or what if you don’t care?
The reality of emotion.
Emotion grabs you and smothers you or knocks you off your feet. It is inescapable, like that unbidden scream that comes out of you on a roller coaster. There’s stuff that you can’t stop. If we are overwhelmed by grief or sadness, that is not our responsibility, as it were. We don’t control this.
Happy is defined as “feeling or showing pleasure or contentment”, but people who show pleasure or contentment can be notoriously unhappy in private. They, despite a strong external of fun, struggle with profound sadness. Robin Williams comes to mind immediately.
Is happiness the real goal?
So, I often wonder: is happiness a real goal? Is it an accurate measure of who we are?
I would liken using happiness as a marker for emotional health/wholeness to using the stock market to decide whether the economy is doing well. When the stock market is up, things are ticking along but only for the people who can play. What about people who can’t buy stocks? What about people who, for whatever reason, can’t get to happy.
I think that it is true that you can choose to be happy in a moment, but I also feel like it’s a lot of pressure to dump on people who struggle with depression, for example. I mean, what the fuck. That was me not too long ago. Leave those people alone. They don’t have to be happy because you need them to be happy.
So, what is a reliable measure of an emotionally healthy human? Equilibrium? Consistency? Effectiveness? The ability to cope? These make life sound a little grey like we’re all living in a corporation where we need to be productive to matter.
For me.
I want to do all the things. I want to feel all the emotions. I would love to live in a society where it’s super okay to tell people that the sadness is upon you. Or to sit in peaceful contentment. Or to say to your friends you love them.
So. What, then? What about this idea of happiness? Is happiness really what we seek?
I believe that we seek to discover and be our most authentic selves. Brene Brown would probably agree. I also think that the massive self-help industry may not be able to tell you who you are or who you are meant to be.
And, honestly, changing your life and yourself may not be where you are. This truth has to be okay.
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Self-Help? Happiness? When You’re Ready.
Most of us have had moments that bring us pure joy. Falling in love with the right person is like that. Marriage is like that. So is becoming a parent of a child or a fur baby. You are full of joy. But sometimes, the change is not favourable. We’ve all been through that as well. People pass away. People leave us. Tragedy strikes. As much as the good things are joyful, these bad things are painful.
Three ideas about emotion.
I was listening to a podcast the other day. Mo Gawdat, a former bigwig at google, was talking about how all the success he achieved had not made him happy. He has a few books out. One, The Happiness Equation is one I think I will read. One of the central messages in this book is that we choose to be happy. If you listen to Gawdat, he is pretty vehement about this, actually. He has a goal to make millions of people happy.
And I was also thinking about a wee meme that has been circulating around regarding the Irish language. In the Irish, when you are sad, you say: “Ta bron orm”. Which, translated, means the sadness is on me, or the sadness is upon me. I know this now, see, because I have been learning the Irish on Duolingo for a while now.
These ideas are almost opposites. For Gawdat, there is an assertion that you can control your happiness. In the Gaelic, there is the idea that the emotion is bigger than your ability to stop it. Emotion is something that must be experienced.
And I have been thinking about the “it’s all good” crowd. I kinda live in that space sometimes, so I am (a bit) talking about myself here. In truth, it’s not all good. Anyone who has suffered a massive setback of any kind will tell you that. We will say that, in the end, you emerge from your tough times much changed. Sometimes for the better. Sometimes not. Some people never emerge. They stay locked in their pain.
Self-help books ignore this point because their market is the subset of people ready to and trying to better their lives. Indeed, in that subset, people are prepared for a journey out of their pain or heartache. But what if you don’t even know you’re broken? Or what if you don’t care?
The reality of emotion.
Emotion grabs you and smothers you or knocks you off your feet. It is inescapable, like that unbidden scream that comes out of you on a roller coaster. There’s stuff that you can’t stop. If we are overwhelmed by grief or sadness, that is not our responsibility, as it were. We don’t control this.
Happy is defined as “feeling or showing pleasure or contentment”, but people who show pleasure or contentment can be notoriously unhappy in private. They, despite a strong external of fun, struggle with profound sadness. Robin Williams comes to mind immediately.
Is happiness the real goal?
So, I often wonder: is happiness a real goal? Is it an accurate measure of who we are?
I would liken using happiness as a marker for emotional health/wholeness to using the stock market to decide whether the economy is doing well. When the stock market is up, things are ticking along but only for the people who can play. What about people who can’t buy stocks? What about people who, for whatever reason, can’t get to happy.
I think that it is true that you can choose to be happy in a moment, but I also feel like it’s a lot of pressure to dump on people who struggle with depression, for example. I mean, what the fuck. That was me not too long ago. Leave those people alone. They don’t have to be happy because you need them to be happy.
So, what is a reliable measure of an emotionally healthy human? Equilibrium? Consistency? Effectiveness? The ability to cope? These make life sound a little grey like we’re all living in a corporation where we need to be productive to matter.
For me.
I want to do all the things. I want to feel all the emotions. I would love to live in a society where it’s super okay to tell people that the sadness is upon you. Or to sit in peaceful contentment. Or to say to your friends you love them.
So. What, then? What about this idea of happiness? Is happiness really what we seek?
I believe that we seek to discover and be our most authentic selves. Brene Brown would probably agree. I also think that the massive self-help industry may not be able to tell you who you are or who you are meant to be.
And, honestly, changing your life and yourself may not be where you are. This truth has to be okay.